haunted by visions of what ifs replaying that one error in judgement that changed the course of two lives
if parallel universes exist for each choice and there are windows between them i have been peering into this one
feelling gentle, appreciative touches … seeing that contented smile … hearing the words …
… fall from his lips … … beam from his face … … alight from his hands …
… and, in ours, onto another.
9:06 am July 21, 2019
I started writing a different blog, contextualizing this. Why it would come up, now. It has been almost three decades since I felt this connection. At least, his presence like this. Over the years, I have tried to connect with others. But, never, could I see or feel one as clearly as him. And, I know he saw me too, once upon a time.
Almost a week since the deluge began, I fear he does now. That I am disrupting the happy life he has built (I couldn’t help but look him up. Stupid. Although, I am glad to know that he has found joy). Picking emotional scabs. I can’t imagine being more than a painful memory. I can only hope I am wrong.
And, that I can learn what I need to from this to move on.